After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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