he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
