Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
