So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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