...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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