If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize