I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
