i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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