I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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