Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
