Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
