God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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