im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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