I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
