My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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