My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
