omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
