dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
