oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
