does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
