You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
