No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
