pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
