You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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