This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
