this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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