and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
