watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
