He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
