Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
