I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
