so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
