pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
