I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize