Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
