Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
