Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
