Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
