i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
