She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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