Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
please come you make the beer taste better
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
