he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
