call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
