Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
