i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
