wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
