Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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