I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
