he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
