I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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