Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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