i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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