I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
