Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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