Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
