I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
