Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
