I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
