I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
