He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
