I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
