I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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