So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
