kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
