Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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