I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
