I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
