Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize