So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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