In the future we'll all be gay
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think a kid would responsible me up
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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