what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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