He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
