I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
