I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I want to be your penis for a week.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
